Ok. I usually don’t make comments before my short stories these days but this one is special. A while ago I wrote a post about past works. For those that might have been paying particularly close attention… I specifically mentioned a super hero comic concept I had played around with.
Well, I hadn’t done anything with said characters because I haven’t felt motivated to tidy them up. That is until I put two and two together. Voltech over at Cross up has a particularly great original web series with a cast of crazy characters. I Hraet You (Sic).
As I waded through his archives (he has a LOT of chapters out for it.) I noticed the tone of his work is exactly what I’ve always wanted to Macro Corp. to be. So, with permission I offer this rendition of the inhabitants of Porbeagle. If you enjoy it, take a look at more hi-jinx over at Voltech’s blog.
Well there be more here? Only time… can tell.
Beat D-1 — Another Day, Another Gorgeous Stranger.
What is the draw of a beautiful woman? Is it a pair of bewitching eyes? A pair of slender legs? A Supple bosom perhaps? Perhaps the simple fact that these features come with a perfect twin that makes my plight so difficult.
What greater honor could I give than the unconditional worship of such beauty. To limit such attentions to one aspect, nay, one woman even would be a travesty. This is why my harem must become a reality. For the good of Womankind.
“You’re drooling.” JP said, stuffing a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.
Lloyd, that’s me, brought a hand to his lip and pushed it aside. JP Hoigleheimer, the diminutive buzzkill, looked on with a particular brand of contempt.
“Ah little brother.” Lloyd let out a dramatic sigh. “How I pity you. You have not the faintest inkling of my thoughts. Yet you carry such a dour state of–”
“Girls.” JP said, pausing to wag his spoon at his brother. “You’re thinking about girls.”
The smile fell off Lloyd’s face.
“And that is why you’re going to be a loser for the rest of your life. You have no priorities.” JP stirred at his bowl.
“That is where you are wrong.” Lloyd drummed his finger against the table. “My priorities are firmly placed on a noble goal.”
“Mmm Hmm…” JP flicked his spoon away, sending it to clatter in his bowl. “Well you keep day dreaming. I’ll be checking my stock reports with my last few minutes before school.”
Lloyd scowled at his brother as he vanished into the hall.
“He’s right you know.” The sandpaper rough voice of Patton Hoigleheimer said. Lloyd often settled on ‘father’ when referring to him. He shook his steak on steak breakfast sandwich with disdain. “You’re gonna be a senior this year. You have to get your act together eventually. You could make something of yourself. Maybe a butcher, a retail manager, or a PR guy for My Little Pony.”
“Father. Please.” Lloyd smacked a hand on the table. “I don’t have time for this. I have to get ready for school.”
“See? Priorities.” Patton took a bite of his sandwich. “You make me proud, boy.”
Lloyd let out a sigh and pulled himself to a stand. School’s days were numbered anyway. Then summer would start. A time filled with tank tops, tight fitting skirts and convenient breezes.
“Lloyd.” Patton knitted his brow.
The walk to school had been unbearable. A cold spell had hit Porbeagle, leaving all the delectable lady bits covered. That is until he came to the gates of L. Bernstein High. A commotion at the gate, outside his usual drawn gazes of adoration. Some people saw them as glares, but Lloyd took what he could get.
A blond haired fellow loomed near a pack of girls, wearing a particularly ridiculous grin. He wore a black t-shirt adorned with a universal ‘no’ sign stamped on the front of it.
“Hey sweet-stuff,” The young man said, “what’s saying you and I go somewhere nice after the classes let out.”
“No thanks, creep.” Heidi Julep said. She fit neatly in the crowd of girl that had a waiting list for her affections. This guy isn’t from around here.
Lloyd shrugged his shoulder against his school bag and pushed on, or at least that would have been the plan. A delicate hand reached out and grabbed him by the upper arm. One of the other girls in the gathering, a Joi Chen as Lloyd recalled, pulled him close.
A moment of jubilation danced within him, a profession of love? A request for a friendly date?
“Hey. Get rid of this guy for us. You’re good with talking nonsense.”
How could I refuse? And mar my Reputation for gilded words?
“Excuse me.” Lloyd cleared his throat and stepped before the fair haired stranger. “I’m afraid there has been some sort of misunderstanding. These ladies are not looking for company.”
The stranger turned to Lloyd and raised an eyebrow at him.
“You see, I speak from experience.” Lloyd let an easy smile come to his face. “Heidi has refused my affections seven times, and the ladies next to her. Three, five, sixteen, and four times respectively.”
“Seriously Purp. I didn’t ask you to butt in. You’re cramping my style here.”
“If I may say, there is a considerable existing cramp that needs to be addressed.” Lloyd offered a sparkling grin. Two of the girls chuckled.
Good. Might try for seventeen later today. That’s a lucky number… right?
“Oh and my name isn’t Purp. Whatever that means. Lloyd Hoigenheimer, at your service.” He offered a polite bow.
“Matthew Heiber.” He leaned back, placing a thumb in his belt. “And I was talking about your fruity purple hair, Purp.”
“Fair enough, Matthew,” Lloyd said, undaunted. “It’s Lloyd by the way, I know the pronunciation is a mite tricky.”
The girls had taken the opportunity to move away. Matt twisted his face into a frown.
“You’re new here? It’s so late in the year… Odd time for a transfer.” Lloyd offered a hand in greeting and lowered his voice to a whisper. “Perhaps we can be allies in a common cause…?”
“Yeah well. It’s an odd case… and no. I already have a wing-man.” Matt smacked away his hand. “Next time, piss off and keep pissing off. Let’s go Jay.”
Lloyd jumped, a black haired boy slunk past him. Small of stature for his age, but somewhat stocky. If not for attention being drawn to him, he would have remained invisible.
“Ah.. well. A pleasure to meet you , Matthew. You as well, Jay was it?”
“Call me Matt. Only time I’m saying it, Purp.” Matt thrust his hands in his pockets.
“Hey.” Jay offered a lazy glance at Lloyd. “That guy…”
“Stuff it Jay.” Matt growled. “Let’s hit the back of the school and see if we have better luck there.”
Lloyd ran a hand across his chin. The suspicious strangers left a bad taste in his mouth, but they had given him an in with Kelli Goosef. He seems terrible with names though. Perhaps Matthew has a bad memory.
He pushed through the halls of the school, dodging the gatherings of students around the lockers. Most of the girls still wore their coats. The heat in the school had already been shut off for the year, so the unseasonal chill took away what little joy could be had.
He spotted the occasional girl in light clothes, standing as an oasis in a desert.
He rounded the corner to the stairwell and ran face first into an advancing wall of flesh. The undeniable softness, the gentle aroma, and the momentum! Lloyd fell backwards, pushed away like a discarded ragdoll. The world spun against impact on the back of his skull. A small crater formed around his head.
“Ah! I’m so sorry. I was distracted.” An angel gazed down at him. She had skin the color of milk chocolate and deep brown eyes. Her sweet words cooed concern through full lips dotted with neutral colored lipstick. Her hair fell over her large breasts, contained by a familiar looking uniform. A nurse? Oh sweet irony. To be leveled by such beauty.
“Oh. No problem at all.” Lloyd stood, finding her close to a head taller than him. An Amazonian angel at that. “Probably just a concussion. I get those a lot actually.”
“Please tell me you’re kidding.” The woman drew close, slipped a hand under his arm and waved her free hand in front of his face. “How many fingers.”
A New nurse too? He had been helpless in her arms. She supported him with gentle grace, but such power. No way I’d overlook a beauty like her… I wonder if she–
“Silence is the wrong answer.” She sighed. “You’re coming to the nurse’s office.”
“No complaints there.” Lloyd admired her in a daze. “If you don’t mind me asking, what shall I call this angel that has graced by visage this day. You don’t strike me as familiar.”
“You can call me Joycelyn. I’m just filling in for the week and I’ve already made a mess of things.” She gave him a gentle tug on his arm. “You OK to walk? Mr…?”
“Lloyd,” he said, wearing a stellar smile.
“All right.” Joyce glanced about, getting her bearings. “So this is the first floor. that would mean the nurses office is–”
“That way. I’m quite familiar with the location after all.” Lloyd aimed his thumb over his shoulder.
“It would be down the main hall.” Joyce rubbed a hand across her face.
“Oh. If it’s a problem, I can just meet you there.” Lloyd pulled his arm away. “That way no one will be the wiser to our little collision.”
“That… would be great actually.” Joyce leaned forward, turning her face to a frown. “Assuming you can make it there. You seem delirious.”
“No no… I’m fine. Simply intoxicated by your charm. I assure you.” Lloyd turned to leave, staggering. He caught his first misstep, took a deep breath and waved back at her with a confident thumbs up.
Joyce looked skeptical, but consigned to waiting against the wall.
How many times has it been, this year alone, a chance meeting with a gorgeous woman? Life is too kind to me…
On his third step, Lloyd fell face first to the floor, stone unconscious.