Musing: TMNT (2014)

I’m still on partial leave from the blog until October, but I wanted to write SOMETHING.  So recently I suffered through Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) and I was going to write a long rant about this movie, but a song (with some minor alterations) sums it up so well.

Enjoy.

Left to right: Michelangelo, Raphael, Leonardo, and Donatello in TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES, from Paramount Pictures and Nickelodeon Movies.

One of the rare tolerable (even amusing) moments in the film the rest can die in a fire, twice.

I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark
When he made TMNT
I miss you more than that movie missed the point
And that’s an awful lot Laird
And now, now you’ve gone away
And all I’m trying to say is
TMNT sucked, and I miss you

I need you like Megan Fox needs acting school
She was terrible in that film
I need you like Whoopi Goldberg needed a bigger part
She’s way better than Megan Fox

And now all I can think about is your comic
and that shitty movie too
TMNT sucked and I miss you

Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?
I guess TMNT sucked
Just a little bit more than I miss you.

 

Seriously, Peter Laird.  Why… *sobs*

2 thoughts on “Musing: TMNT (2014)

  1. “So recently I suffered through Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)”

    Dude, no. Why? You didn’t — you didn’t have to do that. Suffering through terrible things is my forte. Let’s not let the despair run rampant here, yeah?

    But I will agree that Whoopi Goldberg deserved better — and in hindsight was probably the best part of the movie, character-wise. Since this thing might as well NOT be related to TMNT, I don’t think I would have minded if they dropped April O’Neil (Megan Fox or otherwise) and just had Whoopi Goldberg hanging out with giant CG turtles. Not Whoopi playing a character, mind you; I want to see “Whoopi and the Turtles” more than anything else right now.

    Paramount Pictures, drop your sequel plans and work on that, and all will be forgiven. Well, almost.

    • Yeah, the giant CG turtles weren’t the problem. It was what was done with them. I even got over the weird ‘look’ they had going with them.

      As an example I almost stormed out of the room when they said they were April’s pet turtles making them her surrogate children (yet mike still wanted to tap that– squicky.)

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